Ticket to Ride

Throughout my life, probably a bazillion times, I've thought I should have been born when my mother was. Not because I wanted to grow up with my mother, but to grow up in the 1970s. A month ago, I decided my dream was to be a flight attendant. I told my mother, and she told me it was her own dream 25 years ago. In the 70s, being a flight attendant was glamorous, and it came with a certain badge of attitude and independence for a woman.

Of course, nowadays, men can also be attendants and there aren't as many weight/appearance restrictions. Yet if I walk into a room full of lawyers tomorrow and they ask me what I do, and I say "I'm a flight attendant", everyone will pounce on me with amorous eyes and interested questions, because the occupation still carries that mysterious allure of the 1970s. It's what every awesome woman wanted to become, and who every man wanted to hook up with. An all-American geisha (not a prostitute, go look it up).

Upon this fabulous realization that I wanted to become a flight attendant, I began vigorously researching the road to my destination. Do you just apply? Where's the best place to put your foot in the door?

I found all sorts of advice, and absolutely no job openings. I think this is why flight attendants are historically mysterious--it's so goddamn hard to even get the job, and if you do, there's a waiting period of at least a year before you get more than one flight a month; you're basically a fill-in for sick or injured employees.

I still want to be a flight attendant. It's the perfect job--get paid for traveling, and it's normal to have another job or profession outside of your 3-4 flights a month. And free flights anywhere in space available, when you're not on board as cabin crew. This is my dream.

They've always told me I had my head in the clouds. I might as well get paid for it.