It's been a weekend of relaxation, for the most part. Though I've managed to drink myself into a stupor several times, I feel like I've gotten a lot of substance in.
I need to think about some things. I need to talk to a certain person about those things, after I think about them, good and hard. Mostly hard. It's going to be hard.
Shit's always hard. The falling-into-the-lap things are the worst -- wasn't there, and now it is; surprise. Surprise problems, complications, etcetera. Sure, it was stupid in the first place, but it's turned into something I need to think about and make sure I'm okay with before I make decisions.
Decision is a misleading word: there is only one decision to be made, negating the "decision" part entirely. All that's left is leading myself there, with reason, sound mind and my own thoughts, instead of "what's right" or "reasonable." I need to make sure I know why I'm doing this. Otherwise, I risk wondering about it....weeks, months, years later, at weak points in my life. Those what-ifs can be real pesky sometimes, and I'm particularly susceptible to doors I opened and didn't explore.
Dangerous. This is so dangerous.
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Red Stick in the Mud
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