It's interesting how my priorities have changed in the last few months. This month, I've made probably $1,000.00 less than I did last month. And somehow, I've made it on so little. As a side note, eating truly healthy is a whole hell of a lot cheaper and tastier than Lean Cuisine makes it out to be.
I also bought a car, got my very first insurance policy (how on earth have I gotten away without having to do that for so long?), renewed my AAA membership, bought a bridesmaid dress, and paid the first of six $300 dental payments for the surgery (mugging) I got a month ago. Sure, I borrowed some cash from my sister, but only to cover the dress.
I have acquired five jobs, quit one, and settled on four. By "jobs", I mean freelancing. You know, my dream job I've been talking about for as long as I've had this blog running. I'd say I've wondered why I waited so long, but truthfully, I know why.
I was looking for a job I could apply for. One, single job that encapsulated everything I wanted to work for. The problem was that it didn't exist, not in that fashion anyway. The question that remains is why I was looking for a job I had to wake up at 7am for, because never, ever once in my life have I wanted a job that made me do that. Oh, how I remember how everyone told me to get used to it; that I'd just have to deal with that in adulthood. I hated those words, and now I have proved them wrong. Fuck them. They're just bitter because they never thought to create their dream job.
Maybe they didn't have the drive, or had families to support. I shouldn't judge, but it seems such a waste when people with great ideas (most people, actually) don't force those ideas into existence. I see it as them robbing the world of their ingenuity and creativity. Everyone's experience is different, and every single one of us here have different opinions and ideas and thoughts, patterns, worldviews. As someone who wants to experience as many worldviews as possible in my lifetime, I resent people who don't think they have anything to offer.
Most of the things that have gotten me anywhere have operated entirely on belief. My old car, for example. That shit should have died four years ago, yet it still runs, even having been replaced recently by a Saturn ION. Don't laugh, it really runs on my belief that it will get me where I'm going, though I'll admit, it's really nice knowing my tires won't fall off randomly, or the steering column will fail to work.
My life's work is similar. People have walked this path before, but none have ever walked it as I will. I believe it will work, and so far, it is the ONLY credential that I have besides an English degree. English degrees don't get you very far, but believing in everything you can do, does.
Actually, I have yet to see how far it will take me. It's such a strange sensation, riding on nothing, when so many around me have so much and can't seem to get anywhere. Maybe all that's missing is their own faith in themselves. Sure, I've had to worry a lot in a month. Wondering if you're going to make rent is taxing and uncomfortable, but as a trade-off, a little worrying is worth doing exactly what I want to do, for money.
I hope I always think of it like that.
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