Day two of the first work-week minus Our Fearless Leader. It's good in a different way; in this...balanced way. I seem to get more done, and it's hard to put a finger on why.
It's not just the absence of random happy hours or invitations out. It's an atmospheric thing. The air pressure is different, the barometer shifted. I'm not sure if it's that he intimidated me (which he did) or the pressure he put on us all (I've been in a pressure cooker for 8 months), but that room is different. Not in a bad way, just different.
Doors for opportunity and creativity seem to have opened. I feel optimistic where, before, it was alternating between mania and dread. I took better pictures the day he left, and now I'm confident in my ability. My writing has perked up. My office hours are better. Dare I say, training is over, and now I have the tools and confidence to do my job well.
I'm going to look back on that 8 months and be grateful that it happened, but I'd sacrifice Buddha if it meant I never had to do it again. I'm not saying I didn't like Our Fearless Leader -- quite the opposite, I respect the shit out of him -- I've just never been pushed so hard in my entire life. And from the first day on the job, he made it very clear that his alliances weren't with the business, that they were with us. I think that permeated every article I ever stayed up all night working on. Sure, I bitch about it, but a little bit of belief in someone goes a long, long way, and it made me willing to miss important things in my personal life, family, friends, relationships.
And now, that's over. I'm simply better, and I can't wait to see what I do with it.
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