Ask Me To Pull Through

I feel sorry for my neighbor across the hall tonight. She's got company, and I absolutely must listen to the entire Ben Folds discography, including Ben Folds Five. In a few hours, she'll want to take an axe to my door, throw my cat out the window and destroy my hard drive via explosives. Ahh, too bad for her.

I took the mystery editor's freelance offer, despite my misgivings and disillusionment with journalism. I could say I did it for money--that's certainly part of it, but it doesn't account for the whole. I've been in a slump for the last month or so, not because of any particular reason, but rather...a lot of pixels come together and create a feeling of woe, like Poe's all-inclusive mood style. But the one thing that seems to consistently pull me out of it is directed writing. Not this blog--sometimes it helps to dump everything out, but this is not one of those times. In a way that has a lot to do with pride, I hate admitting it, but it's nice to have someone just tell me what to do. Especially when it's writing, and especially when I don't know what else to do.

And the assignment I just finished was one of the most intensive I've ever done. Definitely the most journalistic thing I've ever written, much different from the fluff pieces and movie reviews I've written in the last six months. It was hard, on several levels--the first being I only had 3.5 days to do the research and interviews necessary, the second being I was required to come to a conclusion after interviewing six people. Six people rarely come to a consensus, so the consensus had to be mine.

I know it doesn't sound like a tall order, but real-world-related writing that must conclude something is asking a lot. You really have to put yourself out there, and be okay knowing that someone's going to disagree with you vehemently. To someone like me, that's a billion times more terrifying than writing fiction, because it's real. Personally, I spend as little time in reality as possible. Therefore, my opinions about reality are often completely incorrect, and I go into it expecting everyone to disagree with me.

But I really needed an assignment. Something that was DUE. And when I finished at 8:47pm tonight, after four hours of dissecting, transcribing and deciphering recorded interviews, all I wanted to do was bask in the afterglow and eat a healthy meal.

I'm not going to think about it too hard. They pay well, anyway. I'm clearly just doing it for the money.